My Silence Within a Migraine


It’s one o’clock in the morning and I have an excruciating headache. You would think the last thing I would be doing is staring at this screen, but laying in the dark isn’t helping. I thought maybe if I wrote, it would take my mind off of the fact my head hurts. I don’t know what is going to come of this blog, but let’s see! I am exhausted, but every time I lay my head down to sleep , it begins to throb and pulsate so sitting up seems to help the most, so ‘sitting up’ blogging will have to do.

It’s very quiet right now. I like it a lot. I have a great appreciation for silence. Lately, I find I have been doing a lot of writing and work in silence. Its funny because think about it, I think it’s the silence that allows me to enjoy the noise of the city. Most people see it the other way around. They are always so busy in the noise that when they are in a moment of the silence they embrace it. Actually, I know quite a few people who don’t like silence. The silence scares them. I wonder why that is?

Maybe it’s because silence holds absolute truth or maybe it’s because within the stillness of silence, they can see the reflection of their life –and maybe their life isn’t something they are ready to face? Some people walk through their whole life never visiting the image in the silence. I can’t imagine spending a whole life surrounded by the noise of the world. When I hear the noise I always find myself validating it inside with a nod of acknowledgment. Here I am, standing in the heart of the city, listening to the pulse of the world –everyone has somewhere to go, but no one really takes the time to listen to the noise we create. It’s like static in the brain –and the more we focus on doing and going and rushing, the more the noise interferes with the truth in the silence. How often do we take the time to deliberately listen for the silence? How often do we walk toward the silence and away from the noise?

I think tonight, by writing this I am walking away from my noise. Laying in bed with my head throbbing, all I could hear was the noise of what I have to do tomorrow –I have PT, I have work to get done, I have to take Fred to get stitches out, I have to return something at the store, and I have to make sure I get a work out in. Why am I worrying about all of this? It is amazing to me how much noise my brain can create when I start to worry and over think things. It is one thing to say this is what I have to do tomorrow; it is another to let the things I have to do consume my mind.

Imagine walking down the city streets with your mind in noise mode, and then multiply by all the people walking down that same street, then add in all the external noise from within the city and imagine you could hear it all –all the worry, obsession, all the doubt, fear, hatred, lies, judgment. Now imagine, you just decide to walk away from it and it yourself down on an empty beach, or rolling fields, or mountain top –wherever silence exists. Imagine you are there and in your mind waves are rolling over the noise, washing it out. Now take this silence with you back into the city –and for a moment think of how nice it would be if we could carry this silence with us wherever we go. How different the world might be, don’t you think?

For me, I think silence is the birth of beauty. Silence like space offers only possibility. It offers the possibility to be something greater than how we see ourselves. When we sit in silence, we automatically become more thoughtful because we can’t ignore the reflection of truth. I think we create the noise so we don’t have to take responsibility for our lives, we don’t have to face the possibility of what we could be –because we live in the noise produced by fear. If we didn’t fear we could be something great. Collectively, we could believe in the dreams we seek. I think we have ourselves in a vicious cycle where we find ourselves unwilling to stop. Our brains are noise makers –we fear this recession, terrorists, the economic meltdown –you name it, but at the end of the day –what do we have in this worry? All we have is fear.

I am sitting here with no guarantee that tomorrow the world won’t end and if I sit and worry about it, it is not going to change. As a matter of fact, worry only produces more worry. I do not benefit from it, but silence brings me peace of mind. In the silence, free from fear, I can deliberately choose what to listen to in my life. I have the possibility to create music in my life and in my mind. For me, this is a beautiful thought.

The older I get, the more silence plays an important role in my life. I think silence is truth because when you know truth you don’t need to defend it or preach it –you just accept it and hope that the inspiration you find from it will shine a light on the truth for other’s to find. My truth and what I discover in silence is not your truth or what you discover in silence, but the silence is the same: silence doesn’t change.

I guess I am turning to that silence to calm my head and I think it has helped. What I don’t know is if I have helped you because this truly was a very random ramble! Good night!

PS—this has not been proof read so I apologize for any errors.

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