Do you believe in soul mates? To be truthful, I have never given much thought to it. I have been the one to fall fast in love, the one to believe in the power of love and to give my all to love –but never thought deeply about a soul mate until now.
Lately, I have this passion in my heart. It isn’t for someone I know, but for someone I feel. I have never felt it as strong as I do now. It’s something I cannot shake. It has quieted the hunger of my desires and is allowing me the ability to just be content in the moment.
Ten years ago, I had this dream, but it was more than a dream: it was as real as I feel right now typing these words. I was standing in an amusement park, looking over toward a Ferris wheel off in the distance. It was to my left. I was more or less staring off deep in thought about something. I remember the sounds, the smells, the details of what was going on around me. I heard the bells and the loud sounds of the games. I heard the people carrying on around me. I was in a moment in my life that I had not played out yet. Then I hear someone call my name and I quickly turn to look. It was the most beautiful girl –I remember little detail of her appearance now, which is odd. However, what I do remember is she had short blond hair and a big amazing smile. Her eyes were lit up because she had just won something playing a game. What I remember more than anything was how I felt about it. Looking into her eyes I felt such contentment –and I knew how she felt about me. There was an understanding there between us. It was in that moment I knew who she was to me. It was a dream that came at the right time in my life, because it was that dream that has allowed me to never give up on love. Two years after the dream, I was at six flags in New England. I was walking where the games were and I realized when I looked up and saw the Ferris wheel that it fit perfect —everything lined up right as I saw it.
Back then when I had the dream, I remember thinking about how I felt when I was staring off, I seemed so serious that I questioned whether I had found out some bad news –maybe I was terminal or something. However, now I get it. My brain was calm, as it is now. It’s not the same brain from back when I was 22. It’s slower, more disciplined –it’s mature. I see myself now –and every part of me knows this dream was more than just a dream: it is reality.
I had, not so much forgotten, as let it go for a long time. Then suddenly, within the last few months it came back to me with powerful force. It makes me wonder something –what if what I am being drawn to is the energy of love? What if like two magnets, as you get closer to that time you get drawn in to the attraction? What if I don’t need to know her to somehow feel her? I know it may sound crazy, but I am confident she is out there and she isn’t far away. Maybe by my mere acknowledgement of accepting this truth, I am allowing it to happen. I am allowing myself my destiny because destiny is not a lack of free will, but letting your will be free. I do not want to tie myself down to the thoughts and judgment of others, but rather, I want to open myself to the intuition of my heart because it is strong.
I cannot settle for someone because someone isn’t her and I don’t think I will know who she really is to me until that moment when I look into her eyes and realize I knew all along. This knowledge suddenly has given me a greater gift than knowing there is someone for me: it has given me the gift to open myself up to anyone –to the stranger on the street, to the girl on match, to the waitress at the bar. It doesn’t matter who it is or if it works out –what matters is that keep myself open to the experience of life’s journey. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out with this one or that one, because I don’t need someone to complete me. It isn’t about something missing from my life. It’s about enhancing the memories, about sharing everything and sometimes nothing. It’s about understanding each other, about the journey when you were apart and the time within the journey spent together. It’s about the first hello and the last goodbye. It’s about having faith in what you feel and walking with trust when doubt lurks nearby. It’s about more than what I don’t have, it’s about what I do have when I see beyond the illusion the world sells. I am not missing someone in my life; I am keeping myself full with what my life has to offer and realizing that it’s always been up to me to accept life’s gifts.
Do I believe in soul mates? I still don’t have my answer, but I do believe that we do not walk this life alone. Even as I sit here writing this alone in my bed, I know that there is someone with me, in my heart. I think if I didn’t have that dream, I wouldn’t be aware of it. However, she would still be with me, I just wouldn’t be tuned in to feel it and I would probably feel like I was missing something or someone in my life. The ironic part to it is that what I am feeling when I feel empty is just the opposite, what I am feeling is that very something or someone who is there on their journey growing closer to me as our life’s near. It’s the soul’s reminder that we really are not alone on this journey, we are full of experiences waiting to be –we are our experience. From birth, we were born with a life –that means our entire life’s journey. We were born with every experience waiting to be turned into awareness before our own eyes. This isn’t a meaningless journey we are on –it’s a journey of self awareness. We are here to play out the choices we have already made; it is just up to us to give ourselves over to this experience without fear or doubt. I do not want to doubt anymore. I want to believe what I know is truth. I know ahead of me is someone who makes me smile, who loves me unconditionally, who I love with every ounce of my being, and who, when all is said and done, will not find this blog crazy –but rather, it will make her smile and that is what this is all about.