Reaffirming my Purpose (when hard times come)

I’ve been on a journey following the hope in my blood that maybe under the right circumstances we would hear the voice of something greater and discover there’s a purpose beyond just getting by in this world. This is my purpose and push come to shove I’m embracing it.

Two years ago I had a choice as to which way my life was going to go. I could be the project manager at Mood Fabrics and oversee the entire Internet Sales Division for a great salary and compensation. Or I could follow what my heart told me to do. In my mind, I have never seen such a cross roads so outwardly with such conscious intent. I knew I had a choice. I knew my purpose was to help make positive change in this world. And I knew I had to go down the road of doing it. It scared me because there is no certainty; no absolute beyond feeling this is what I’m meant to do.

As I’m sitting writing this, I feel the between of who I was and who I am coming to an end. And with it, there still aren’t any worldly guarantees on anything. Just a deeper assurance is what I feel. Right now, I’m waiting for the cover for my book to be finished so I can send it off to be published. I’m not getting money to do this. Instead I am putting money out to make sure it gets done. I believe the message deserves to be heard, the message of the deeper reasons for life. In a few months, it will be six years since I started the process of evolving this book into what it is today. And I’m proud of it. It’s a well earned accomplishment.

For all intents and purposes, my website,, is done. Next week the finishing touches will be put on it and the SEO Marketing with my development company will begin. It’s been a journey where thousands of dollars has been spent to make it what it is today. And it will be thousands more when the SEO Marketing is done. This causes me stress since my job has been working on this site and turning it into what it is today.

I’ve sacrificed a lot in this process and I see the sacrifice as worthy of the cause. I have ambitions of nurturing the site into a place where people can grow in goodness, love, oneness, and for a positive change. It’s evolved into something greater than my vision and it will continue as it is meant to be in the years to come. This is the journey –and this is a part of my purpose.

I feel as though God has a plan for me and it’s my faith that has got me through this because it’s been tough. Bills don’t stop coming and have to get paid. And with the healthcare hang ups I came across today, it will leave me with more bills. So choices need to get made, priorities need to be established because I’m not giving up on this vision, nor am I swaying from my path. Cable and Netflix can go. I believe it’s these moments that define our cause and create the future we see. It tests our resolve and allows the ability to let go and reaffirm our faith in the strength provided to us. What a gift. I say that with tears, but I mean it.

In a strange way, I have come to see that suffering isn’t meant to hurt us, but rather, it is meant to give us the ability to look inside and heal the weaker aspects of our being. When we lose someone close to us, it hurts because in that moment we lose the physical essence of them, but we heal through the pain when we discover they’re still here, and reestablish our purpose. This is the meaning of suffering, to move beyond it into the realm of understanding. So I figure why hold on to it? Instead, I am going to embrace it for what it is, the gift of growth.

I have come to realize that God will never do me the dishonor of walking up the mountain for me. Instead, he shows me the path and promises that with every step I take forward he does/will give me the strength to make it. God knows that the view from the top is much more rewarding if I know in my heart I earned it through love, acceptance, faith, belief, sacrifice, and an unwavering commitment to my purpose. I know at the top of this mountain I’ll be standing there with a smile on my face because I believed in myself by knowing God never gave up on me. He believed in me every step of the way. I’m holding to this truth. I’m holding to my purpose.

In life there are thousand reasons to give up on any given day, but only one to keep going –and that reason is found in the heart of the individual. It’s a voice that speaks to them and says, “You’re worthy of believing in yourself because I believe in you.” This is the voice I hear. It’s the voice I hold on to on the hard days like today because today tough choices need to be made, but I will make them with humble pride and a belief in something greater than myself. I have a purpose and this purpose is ever-evolving, ever-growing and transforming me into a person I openly love. My purpose is forever and always a purpose of compassion, healing, and loving connections; it’s what I like to call the purpose of One. In this purpose I believe we all can transform. And if nothing else, I hope sharing my growth with you helps you on your journey in this life.

God Bless us all with peace and love.



One thought on “Reaffirming my Purpose (when hard times come)

  1. I love that you’re standing on one side of the mountain with quiet whole hearted faith, while I’m standing on the other saying to God “your shitting me right”?? I’m very vocal with god, but that’s how my relationship works with it, But you dearest, is how one day i hope to feel about life. Most times my human understanding about what happens to me is regrettably, pissed off. However i know deep down, as you have said, that suffering isn’t meant to hurt us, but to heal our weaker aspects. So I know that if I’m a little wiser, I will remember what you have said, and do as you have been able to do with a full heart and intention. I’ll still yell at the sky but at least i’ll know i can trust its guidance.

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